Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts

03 August 2015

On Gen X, changing the world and why beauty doesn't have to be the answer

     So I randomly just watched The Breakfast Club again, jajaja. It's just so comforting to me, like I really can't relate to most of the things going on w them but it's comforting all the same. My mom and I are v obsessed w all the living generations, esp Gen X (bc that's her) and the millennials, and it's just so fascinating bc Gen X is basically defined by anarchy or sth. They just can't figure it out: they never have (as we can see from all the John Hughes movies) and they never will. We were trying to come up w some defining Gen X-ers bc it's so easy to come up with defining millennials (winners like Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Mark Zuckerberg, Kim Kardashian, etc.), but like... There aren't any. Ben Stiller? Jerry Seinfeld? I guess so. But they make for some pretty pathetic spokespeople.
     I'm a Gen Z-er (also known as my fave word, a boomlet) so i'm v hopeful for us younguns. Hopefully we can reconstruct the lame world the millennials haphazardly built for us with the support of their Gen X parents: parents who grew up children in families ravaged by divorce (a factor which, according to The Wall Street Journal, ended about half of all marriages in the 70s) and consequently blossomed into smothers and manchildren so their own kids wouldn't have to grow up too early.
     But omg, that WSJ article along w some others (yeah i may have just done some more research on this jajaja) was so enlightening!! All the generations totally f-cked each other up!!! The baby boomers rebelled against their stagnant surroundings and listened to rock n roll and became hippies. They wanted to feel young and alive or sth so they felt pressure to look/act/stay young even after having kids, so they left their kids unsupervised and alone so they could live a little (tbh sounds totally like the millennials. But they do say that children relate to their grandparents better than their parents so ok yeah sure). So Gen X felt cheated out of their childhoods and set out to save the souls of their spawn (jaja i love writing rn) with Baby on Board stickers and leashes for their 4-year-olds. Cute!! So now the millennials are growing up and they simply cannot live w/o the care their parents lavished upon them, and bc they cannot think for themselves and figure out how to be adults they're the "boomerang generation" that just returns back to their parents' house, which works out fine for the love-starved Gen X-ers and the lazy millennials, but where does that leave the rest of us?! Like, when I come of age there's gonna be SO much work to do. Ugh. But I have so many reforms in mind already!! I'm fully stocked w ideas. But rn the point of my life is to survive being a teenager, so I'll focus on that for now and get moving after I graduate and go skydiving and stuff.
     Ok but I can't resist. Some starter ideas:
-A fashion/lifestyle magazine called Boomlets!! Kind of my take on a younger, less existential Rookie mixed w HONY. It will involve street style worn by girls of all shapes, sizes, colors etc. along w some kind of background on them, a la Brandon Stanton!
-A girl band ALSO called Boomlets!!! Still trying to recruit my friends to do this. (Ok i realize these aren't like global reforms or sth but it's a start)
-Preface: Ok, this is actually a good one. A project that protests lookism for women (the concept that while men are judged by strength and talent, women are totally just based off of how hot they are), except I don't really know how to do this w/o involving a burqa-style getup that masks how we really look. But that's just weird. Idk how exactly to do this. But I'm sure i'll get many earnest recruits for this puppy too bc tbh it's pretty genius
-A foto series of different places in Newark, Queens, etc. that look pretty grody to the typical person's eye but they realize that the places are actually beautiful bc they're full of character and heart and as my dad says about Queens, "it's the blood of New York City."
     And what even is this "beautiful" craze anyway? Everyone's all about "oh yes I love beautiful things" and recently this crap about "everyone is beautiful" and of course the feminists protesting "You don't know you're beautiful/That's what makes you beautiful." So basically it's just a common idea that girls should be allowed to feel beautiful themselves and it's ok to have high self esteem and no matter what you look like, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
     Not that that's a bad thing, but how about this: ENOUGH WITH THE BEAUTIFUL!!! Like, SERIOUSLY!!! What if a girl doesn't WANT to feel beautiful? What if a girl wants to focus on being FUNNY or SMART or a LEADER instead of basing everything off of looks?? It's just so unfair. Obviously lookism applies to guys too to a degree, but it doesn't hold them back. This would never happen to a man looking for an office job.
     But everything is just about looks, looks, looks. E-NOUUUUGHH. Even on my favorite song by my favorite band (a cover of Call Me Baby by The Ark, a Korean girl group that wears super badass clothing)...:

     ...Even on that, people's comments focus on their looks and how they can be sexy and pretty even dressing like tomboys. Ok, yes, but can't we just focus on the fact that they are SUCH incredibly talented dancers and singers, and of course that they have the best sense of style, instead of how they can be beautiful even though they're not ladylike? Maybe they don't want to be beautiful. Maybe they want people to say "waaaahh they are TOUGH!!" Just an idea.
     But fashion is different, like it's an optional thing. It's basically an extension of your personality. you have control over it and you can change it, unlike your actual body and looks and whatever. So it's really totally different. And I just can't deal w not being able to wear what I want bc i am SO into fashion and clothes and personal expression, and it is so unfair to have a polyvore and then go to H&M to try on your dream clothes and have them all look like total shit on you. I mean REALLY. And then you try on a pair of like cotton shorts bc none of the denim ones fit you right, and your mom tells you it's a really flattering look for you, and bc you're about to have a meltdown in the dressing room you just buy them, but at home you're trying them on and you're just tearing up at the mirror, bc ok, sure, they say you look good in these and they're good for you body type, but what if you don't WANT to wear these stupid pajama clothes to look good?? What if you want to wear the short overalls you saw in the store, and kneesocks, and crop tops and cheetah print ankle booties (at this pt I'm just rattling off the whole H&M fall catalog) and skinny jeans and all of it w/o feeling like puking in the mirror? It just feels SO unfair. So, so unfair. And I have the feeling that that mini rant had nothing to do w the point I was trying to get across here, but it came out naturally and now it's over and I really gotta sleep. It's so irritating that I'm up at 6:30 am and my mind only starts functioning now, at half an hr to midnight. Ughhh. Buenas noches

Summer anxiety!!

     I'm obsessed with Instagram all of a sudden. It started w that Bollywood fan account 하리가 and I made, bollychudiyan, which I hardly ever used and whenever I got too into it I would delete it. But it would always find its way back onto my phone. And then I started following EXO members and unfollowing all the stupid Sonam Kapoor (ugh, no talent) fan accounts, and then I changed the password so 하리가 couldn't like her own fotos w it, jajaja. And then I started following other people that I actually knew, some from camp and some from school but upperclassmen and some from BRS, and then it just got depressing. Honestly I think my body image is going downhill just because of that. Even Sal's stupid farm pics with his long hippie hair depress me, jajaja. But I just can't get enough of refreshing my feed and letting my fomo (fobf?? fear of being fat? no that looks too much like "fob" which is too funny to be taken seriously).
     Every time I've taken a picture this summer I get so upset. Like I really cannot handle it. And then to see it on Instagram or fb sucks. And to see it on my phone sucks too, like even pictures with Myrsinaki made me sad to look at, which made me sad bc I loved that moment until the picture was taken. But at the same time I feel like I really have an eye for good photo ops!! Me and every other white girl on the planet but still. Every time I'm in Newark or the city I just see so many fotos ready to be taken but if I look like how I look like then I don't want to take it or put it up on fb.
     I feel weirdly like I don't know how to talk to/hang out w boys anymore. I am so reluctant to set up the BRS reunion AND any CRS reunions where Red Hook is... I don't want the BRS boys to compare me to 엠아리, who's looking basically like a model these days, chiseled jawline and all, and I don't want to interact w the CRS boys simply bc they are sooo deadly!! But it's kind of weird that I haven't "found my people" boy-wise anywhere. They're definitely not at school, but not at camp either? Like, where ARE these guys??
     My money anxiety is preventing me from going on the great shopping spree I know I need. Every time I walk into H&M I wanna buy the whole store out!! And Romwe, and any Stussy chapter, etc. etc. I am simply DYING to visit Stussy in Milano but I feel like it'll be a shady outlet or sth only for boys. Plus it's weird to shop for this stuff w my parents. But we'll only be there for a little while so it's not like I'm gonna go off on my own to shop in men's stores. Plus it's SOOO expensive! And I won't even see 피얌마 at all!! ㅠㅠ
     The biases: 엑소 타오, 킴남준, Bender from The Breakfast Club, Ross from Friends, 자크 from camp jajaja
     I figure I'll raid Rookie's monthly images for some good backgrounds. And GOD am I into photography at this pt. I don't even want an iPhone as my new phone anymore bc i feel like the fotos will suck and I want a Samsung instead bc it's also more internationally savvy (all my CRS amigas have them and I'm obsessed). But tbh nothing will be worse than my junky 4S camera. And yes I want a camera but again w the money!!! I really have begun to freak out like a crazy person about money these days. I hate going for groceries just bc I hate seeing the receipt even if the cashier informs me that "you saved $xx today!!" Then I go nuts and tell my mom and she's like, "hey, we're a family of five" and I'm just like, How will I survive?? Bc i really do have kind of expensive tastes. I don't realize it, but I totally do. I'm always dying to eat out, and I love healthy food which is pricier, and I love eating a lot of food which just makes it priciest. Ay caramba!! Plus I feel like living in a city by myself won't be all it's cracked up to be (and I will have a roommate, or I'll have nightmares that the third Insidious will happen to me). And like, that it won't feel "real."
     Yeah, so I'm obsessed w this "real" idea. Ever since summer started, I've been reading like a maniac. I read and I run and I procrastinate and I eat and I polyvore; that is my summer. But y'know, we're talking trips to the library every three, four days. Which is awesome!! I haven't read this much since I was a youngun in middle school. But it's like... Ever since I read Joy Luck I've just gone on to read these sorta depressing adult books encompassing the lives of complex people puzzling through their complex issues. And they have not-nice endings, like French movies. And I think it's turning me bad!! I really do, like I feel kind of empty after I read them and now it feels like nothing is how it's said in books, like relationships and stuff. And I get that I'm just a kid and I shouldn't expect to face these kinds of things, but just read Joy Luck or The Buddha in the Attic and there is absolutely no way people actually think like this. It's too much.
     We dropped off Myrsinaki earlier tonight at EWR (and god, I love airports), and as we were driving home I was talking to my mom about this "real" theory. But I just don't know how to explain it. I find I'm really bad at talking... And it's pretty frustrating bc I'm a good speaker when I'm rehearsed. But it's simply not meant to be. I'm cut out for writing books or sth. I wish I could just come out w the female version of No Coins Pls and strike it rich, as was the plan in February, but I'm not really writing these days. Sometimes I journal but that's pretty rare. Like right now, it's 12:40 am and I know I should have been asleep 2.5 hrs ago bc Myrsini and I woke up at like 10 this morning (meaning Sunday) and I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (meaning Monday) to run, and then I also have to make my lunch bc I was too busy watching, for the first time, The Breakfast Club, which 엄마 recommended for me and which I loved but it was also kind of depressing but in a good way plus Bender was sooooo hot... Buuut I'm not gonna sleep until I've gotten out all my thoughts bc this does NOT happen often when my thoughts come out in a stream of consciousness thing where it's actually natural and real and genuine and all that good stuff, and hey I am totally on a roll here!! I know I'm a writer but at this pt in my life I'm not feeling it. But it's really very ok bc I know I'll be back to write that kid's book. It's in my blood!
     Books I've read/am reading: One L (it's SO great!! I was discussing it w "the parentals" as 산드라 would say and we all agreed that the pressure Scott Turow was facing at Harvard Law in the 70s is not so far off from the pressure Jews and Asians are facing rn at any given tri-state area high school, jajaja (laughing in a sad and ironic way), which is probably why I'm so invested in it, bc i can actually relate to the chaos and lunacy his mind has become), The Tin Horse (basically Anita Diamant's The Boston Girl but with deeper emotions), Inside the O'briens (by the author of Still Alice which I am so reading on the Europe trip bc I was obsessed w Inside the O'briens!!), and other books I unfortunately totally don't remember at all, lol. I tried reading some of Amy Tan's other books but they're really just mleh. Joy Luck and even The Bonesetter's Daughter were right on the money but everything else was too much. I also got her memoir out of the library but omggg. I'm sorry to say that it just feels like she's trying too hard. Plus, she is SUCH a type, and she talks about these outlandish things that she did when she was young, like moving with her first-generation Chinese mother to SWITZERLAND (?!?!??!?!) in such a way that I have to go back and figure out if she's actually serious, or if she's just being comparative or sth. But come on. It's awful.
     Food I am dying for: the spicy tuna rice at Totto (waaaaaahh), raw cookie dough, the pork bun at Totto, Empanada Mama, the maggi noodles at 하리가 house, Korean bbq
     In addition to photography I'm obsessed w soundscapes!! I've taken a bunch since June when I was w A. in DC's Chinatown listening to some brass band on the street, and on the train coming back home, and in Chelsea, and even in Times Square where I was hiding my phone every time one of the CRS girls spoke so I wouldn't record them, jajaja. But the wind always gets in the way!! I messaged the Suvi who did the soundscape instruction for tips, bc Myrsinaki told me she always did that whenever she wanted to take up some skill (like for meditation... ugh, John jajaj). She said she  was flattered and she would get back to me but she has NOT. I am v underwhelmed by this, and honestly this is so typical CRS. Myrsini and I were just talking about it on the way to the airport. Basically most of the campers totally have this reputation for having awesome ideas and then not acting upon them. Like during holiday break (when Myrsini was w our Turkish amigo and so we were messaging nonstop about the drama jajaj), a few of them were planning a massive trans-continental trip for this month and basically asked everyone "which would be a more convenient option, meeting up in Paris and then island-hopping in Greece, or taking Europe by train and then setting up shop in Thailand?" Which sounds like a dream, but really? We certainly were not all loaded at camp, but what kind of an idea is that, let's get real, jajaja. But that's one example out of tons. The reunions, for example, they always fall through. I was lucky enough to see Nush and Myrsinaki twice, Shaf and Shags a bunch of times and some of the city girls a few times too, but I know a lot of people had their plans just not work out. Whatever, though. If they don't want to meet, it's no problem. I totally have skype anxiety so i really can't talk in this department.
     But seriously, the Red Hook guys are SUCH a crackup. 안다루 with his 타이새야-style posts and his selfies (jajajajaja, the SELFIES!), 타리스탄 with his awkward Italy videos, all the Stuy guys on the CRS group chat (ugh, the Stuy guys. 아누사 was 100% right when she was complaining about how deadly they were on College Day, but I was totally smitten w 라이안 and 리타므 and didn't realize the true social ineptness until post-camp)... I wish I made friends w the European boys. They were more normal, lol.
     I really should make this blog private w all the names I'm shouting out all the time, jajaja. But I have this far-fetched idea that I'll someday become some household-name blog like the ones on Rookie simply by "being myself!" (Suuuuure.) So of course it MUST be public!!
     OK, I think I'm winding down. Gotta get myself up bright and early for my run anyway, and ughhh I feel the sleep tugging at my eyes already... I'm going to hate myself tomorrow morning... My time management SUCKS, and I'm more than a week behind on French, and oh great my mom is coming jajajaj she just slaughtered me but I'm going to bed now for real. And also, I am SO pumped for Europe!! I'll take tons of pics w my awful 4S camera and tons of metro soundscapes, and I'll buy a bag and a bucket hat and a hacky sack and Italian and Spanish and Portuguese fashion mags, and I'll run in all the countries and feel a huge sense of accomplishment from doing that a few months later when I'm back in the clutches of my high school. Ugh. School.
     Jaja. Ok. Καληνυχτα!!
     EDIT: I changed all the names to hangul so it's censored!!

24 April 2015

Friday night feminism ᕦ㋡ᕤ

    In desperate need of some strong female influence! I went through my newly cleaned out bookshelves looking for books with STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN ROLE MODELS as the main characters. What I found was
I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced
Cheryl Strayed's Wild
Gone with the Wind
The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency
The Boston Girl (which I SOOOO recommend for anyone who likes any and every decade of 20th-century America, particularly New York in the 30s and 40s)
Reviving Ophelia
The Joy Luck Club
The Help
A Little Princess
I Am Malala
Nancy Drew? Jajajaja, how underrated
The Poisonwood Bible
Reading Lolita in Tehran
Maya Angelou's The Heart of a Woman

    Like, I am so on the lookout for reading material, but I can't handle reading these men books all the time. It sucks. I have no patience for it. I'm massively into a more gender-equal, feminist approach to my media intake, and Dan Brown, which I was obsessed with two years ago, doesn't cut it anymore (Digital Fortress, anyone? I actually hate this guy now). I've basically come full circle from where I was last year at this time, when I told my mom that not only was I anti-feminist but that I thought women authors WERE BAD and "too girly" (ex. Salinger > Plath). I was totally on-board with this idea that women were just frivolous and didn't get the whole life thing and had their own place in society that didn't really interfere with the rest of the scene. I mean, read some of my past entries on da blog. I was very very bad. 
    Well, not bad, just ignorant. I was downing all this Kerouac and Salinger and all these books where women were nice as, like, toys or accessories or something, but they were pretty crazy and fake and they weren't really people. Subconsciously, of course, but I WAS STILL ABSORBING IT and thinking to myself, jeez I wish I was a boy, boys can do so much more and are more interesting and girls are too girly. 
    I think that's also kind of part of my makeup stigma...? Maybe? Because I don't want to give in to the womanly temptations or whatever that my esteemed writers and I were so against. But I'm so glad I've realized, and that I LOVE US!!! Jajaja. And I know how awesome women can be. And the more women I read and watch and listen to that are inspirational and strong, the more I can be all of those things and help myself grow as a person and learn to ignore all the BS going on in school, etc.
    So as an added PS, if there are any woman-centric books you'd recommend, I would love to hear them! Thanks yaaron xx

15 March 2015

A history

1. China
2. Russia...? (I remember being very into my Royal Diaries book about the Romanovs, and the Russian Olympians during the Beijing Games in 2008, and (because I was still writing stories at that age) naming the main characters Tatiana and Alexandra to purposely sound Russian. So yes, Russia as well.)
3. Italy (on a low degree, just because I adored Lucca and the language. I wouldn't necessarily call it cultural obsession on the level of what I do now.)
4. Japan (for a short period of time. Mostly because my friends in 7th grade were inspiring me, and I liked Death Note and Ouran and going out for dim sum (not Japanese, I know).)
5. India

Now what? I think I'm a mix of India + Puerto Rico + Botswana + Barbados. Jajajjaja, I love it.

10 March 2015

Africa, etc.

I was feeling like change, so here we are. New format, new background, new link, OUAY ('yeah' in French, jaja). I'm also extremely annoyed with the fact that Blogger is blocked on my school laptop. It's not like it's detrimental to our education.

Just out of curiosity, I wonder how many kids in school even have a blog. On here or Wordpress or whatever. I made one on Weebly, inspired by Olivia and because it was accessible on that damn computer. But I have absolutely no idea how it works. I wish she could teach me... I wish we could be in the Anatolia and she could teach me... And Minky could keep watch and hum some of her Setswana songs in the background...

De repente, I'm into Africa and the Caribbean islands. I'm reminded of Olivia, how she told me how I was the only other person she'd gotten to know with the "culture crisis" thing going on, and how her thing was Africa, mainly Ghana. I can totally understand why, Africa just has some kind of poetry or something to it, some simple earthiness and beauty. I think of Delphina when I think of Africa and I want to write to her, she's just so sweet and quietly graceful and all.

And the Carib, pueeees I've always been a Bob Marley fan, but on our trip last month I loved the culture of Belize and Roatan, Honduras (maybe not when we were walking around in the middle of the street in some pretty sketchy areas of Belize City as the only non-locals, but it resonates with me now, jaja). I bought a small oil painting of a woman standing in a doorway with a basket on her head and shrubbery behind her from a man with dreads painting right there on the street, which I love. And of course I love Krista's culture in Barbados, although it's totally different than Belize. They all just feel kinda warm to me, I don't know. I like it. It's friendly and I feel like I could just laugh with these people that I've never met. That's just the vibe I'm getting.

07 February 2015

A list of STUFF

    I'm feeling SUPER productive!
PRA FAZER:
-A handstand











-Look for summer jobs (I have no idea what to do, by the way. I'm too young for most jobs (most interesting ones). I really wanted to work on a farm or something, but a lot of them are specific to the region and there's not a lot of farms where I am. And I really don't wanna spend my summer doing tedious stuff. I would've loved to have just taken a volunteer job, but I was talking to K the other day and he's right--if I want to do all these things I want to do, I need to raise money for them. UGH MONEY)
-Buy cool stuff in MEXICO
-Like... hang out with a llama!
-Pack for the trip *-* ^_^
-Give K a Japan experience
-Send Yumi my letter
PRA COMER:
-Some soggy chicken tamales, out of guilt (because omg. My dad is so pagal (endearingly so). He was feeling hungry yesterday and so he decided to take out this massive bag of TWELVE CHICKEN TAMALES from the freezer and make ALL OF THEM, assuming that he and I would eat ALL OF THEM OURSELVESSSS and now THEY CANNOT BE REHEATED BC HE ALREADY PUT THEM IN THE MICROWAVE and we ate only like five of them yesterday and NOW WE CANNOT EAT THEM AND IF WE DO THEYLL BE ALL GROSS AND SOGGY AND UGHHH BABUJIIII)
-Peanut butter
-Paella (idk, I would just like some)
-The avocado on the kitchen island that no one wants (which is obviously not a problem, I mean, avocados are bae. But I will never be able to understand this. No one in my household ever wants to eat them. They're my actual favorite food, like I will just eat one straight up with a spoon, and for gods sake you can eat them on anything and with anything and HELLO, GUACAMOLE)
PRA OUVIR (listen to, apparently):
-Rab ne bana di jodi soundtrack (mainly Dancing Jodi, I absolutely ADORE that song, Taani partner)
-Sweety from Race Gurram (with my brother)
-This Singh is So Stylish (this is the anthem)
-Aaja Nachle (literally barfing in my sleep about that song)
-Rozz Jack
-Dance Basanti (neer neer neer) <-- me impersonating a tumbi
PRA LER:
-The Smartest Kids in the World (the parts when the kids find youth exchange programs and raise money for them, cough cough, ROTARY)
-Travel reviews
-Blogs of exchange students
PRA ASSISTIR (watch, apparently):
-Om Shanti Om
-Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (STILL HAVE NOT WATCHED IT)
-Race Gurram
-Zero Dark Thirty

24 January 2015

Theek hai

     Hi, all... It's been a while. I was just on my laptop binge-watching Rani Mukerji movies and I decided to post on here. Just a check-in, check-up, kuch bhi, τέλος πάντων, whatever!
     So I'm madly in love right now. No kidding. Nenu ninnu premisthanu. I call him uppu and he calls me karam. It's great!
     I'm reading this book The Smartest Kids in the World right now; it's great fun! It keeps inspiring me to apply to UWC or AFS or something that offers a foreign schooling program. I'd love to be an exchange student... I really would. Like, my junior year somewhere else... It would be great. A Red Hook kid posted on Facebook that he got his acceptance letter to go to Germany for a year next year, his junior year, and I was bahut jealous. Another Red Hook kid, the Polak, is in Costa Rica for some convention thing... UGHHH. I know it's pretty selfish, but I am absolutely dying to go somewhere, especially somewhere where I can be a teenager and not be with my parents.
     Here's why it's selfish: Since camp, I've been dying to go to some Peace Corps-type camp for high-school kids over the summer. Go to Guatemala or Dharamsala for 4 or 5 weeks, do some sightseeing, meet new kids, do some service work, learn the language, feel productive. They're all a few thousand dollars just for like 3-4 weeks, but still. But after spending winter break in a fog, calling the one person I shouldn't every night and scrolling through pages and pages of camps where jappy kids from the tri-state area can go to Shimla together, I was feeling pretty cynical about the whole thing.
     Back story, because I like to talk about mein kampf: Honestly, for a couple reasons, break was just a bad situation. I couldn't function properly... I was kind of obsessive about stuff. And apathetic about other stuff. I half-watched lots of movies until late, and then I wouldn't want to go upstairs to sleep. So I would just hang out alone downstairs and eat, or something. One night I fell asleep on the stairs because I didn't want my parents to hear me coming into my room so late, and one night I didn't sleep at all. On Christmas I was such a pain in the you-know-what for the whole family that my mom found me when I was trying to sneak upstairs that night and got me into my room and just made me talk. It was good, though. I came out of my sulk. End of back story.
     And I realized that it was v. lame to go to one of those camps because they're kind of self-indulgent. Or they'd be self-indulgent for me, at least. For one thing, the quality of the people going to them... I'm not going to elaborate on that, but they're not my kind of people, they're not in it for the same things as me. But I would be going to volunteer with people for myself, not for the need to help others. I would be doing it because I wanted to go to India, not because I felt upset about conditions that people face... It would be redeeming for me--I would be doing it for that redeeming feeling. If that makes sense. And I find that really lame.
     So I want to travel, but for the sake of traveling. Not for something else that I should be focusing on. If I want to do volunteer work, I should do it in the States, and if I want to see India, I should do it in Bharat for the sake of seeing Bharat.
     That was, like, so deep... See, this is why I don't like blogging. I always make my situation sound so much more depressing. Here, CAPS LOCK AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!! SHAHRUKH KHAN, ARJUN KAPOOR, SHAHID KAPOOR'S LIPS!!!!! TELUGU!!!!! विवेक गोगिनेनी!!!!! मैं तुमसे  प्यार करती हूँ!!!!! बहुत अच्छा और आजा!!!!! Gratuitous enthusiasm ^_(\

04 October 2014

Fasting

     This is seriously weird. Since I basically just decided to fast for Yom Kippur yesterday, I'm not exactly prepared for the whole fasting thing. I had lo mein and two glasses of water for dinner last night, so basically no proteins or carbs were chilling in my stomach, waiting for today. I'm empty-tummied.
     But surprisingly, it's not bad. I'm not ravenous. It feels a little uncomfortable, like I keep saying to myself, "Huh, you know, I feel kinda off. I better have some lunch." But my family's being pretty considerate and not eating foods that have glorious wafting smells. And it's pretty nice to be reflective today.
     I feel very isolated in terms of religion. When I was younger until a few years ago, I used to be very proud of the fact that I was "half Jewish." And I was, I was proud to have Jewish roots and to be one of few kids in school to be celebrating Passover in the spring instead of Easter. But then I got new and argumentative friends ^^" and with that came the realization that one cannot be half a religion! It makes no sense! You believe in one religion, not two. That was when I felt stupid and stopped saying I was Jewish, lest people figure out that I was honestly just a non-religious kid who liked being different.
     Then a few things happened. I read Life of Pi. My high school merged with our neighboring town, in which probably 1 of 5 kids had a last name ending with -berg, -stein, or -witz. And I stood up to my argumentative friends!
      It's true that I'm not religious at all. I don't believe in a higher power. When I light candles on the menorah or drink grape juice at Passover (too young and innocent for wine), I don't do it solemnly or religiously at all. But I kinda feel a kinship to other Jews. My ancestors are Jewish, and half of my family too, and although I don't really practice religion, I think it's safe to call myself a Jew. Not in the religious sense, but Jews are a group. They're like an ethnic group. They stick together. And I like being a part of that.
     So I think it's my responsibility to at least know what I'm celebrating when it's Chanukkah or when I'm going to a Seder, or whatever, whenever. I owe it to my ancestors to fast on the beginning of the new year, even if I'm not doing it for God. I'm doing it because, heck, I can! And to me, that's just the way I want it to be.
     So shana tova, everyone! (And T minus 3 and a half hours until I can have pizza!)

26 August 2014

Bailando

    My dance playlist! Most of these I learned in the art cabin at camp.
-Bailando (claro que sí): ESPAÑOL
-Ice Shipping Bagel/Ai Se Eu Te Pego: PORTUGUÊS
-Opa Opa (Ώπα ώπα): ΕΛΛΗΝΙΚΆ
-Chalifot: don't know how to say HEBREW in HEBREW
-Danza Kuduro: ESPAÑOL
-Marry Her Anyway: ENGLISH Y'ALL
-Balada Ao Vivo: PORTUGUÊS
-Vivir Mi Vida: ESPAÑOL
-Deewangi Deewangi: HINDI

22 August 2014

A.C. (after camp)

     Ever since I got back from camp, everything is so. boring. by comparison. It's terrible.
     But really, it's OK. I've decided that I'm bored just because it's still summer and I don't really have too much to do right now. I'm going to my new school's orientation tomorrow, so pretty soon I'll be busy doing whatever I gotta do, and then I'll feel happier.
     I'm SUPER into international music now. And I think my India thing is finally over, but I have new places now! YEAH. Thanks to my sisters, my new points of interest are
Greece
Argentina
Brazil
Costa Rica (I don't even know why...)
Italy
Turkey
Portuguese
Greek
Spanish
Hebrew
cooking
dancing (haha, I know)
singing
taking risks
having fun
talking
teaching
giving Greek hugs to people
     It's great! I can't wait until school starts.
     Actually, I can, but it's OK ^^"

05 June 2014

My favorite Indian songs.

Khudaya Khair—from this movie called Billu
Sheila Ki Jawani—from Tees Maar Khan
Chammak Challo
Lucky Boy
Laila Main Laila
Munni Badnaam
Teri Ore
Bolo Tara Ra Ra—Daler Mehndi
Tunak Tunak Tun— " "
Yeh Dosti
Kal Ho Naa Ho
Mauja Hi Mauja—from THE BEST MOVIE EVER, Jab We Met
Pretty Woman—from Kal Ho Naa Ho
More Sawariya
Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte
Marjaani
Nagada Nagada—also from Jab We Met
Jaane Kyun

20 April 2014

My two favorite things don't work.

     Meaning India and Cary Grant. Okay, I honestly prefer James Stewart to Cary in terms of looking good in movies, but... No, you know what, I can't make that kind of decision. It would be barbaric to do so. I can love them both.
     And Ravi Teja is still hotter than the two of them combined.
     I watched Gunga Din when we got home from the grandparents' house. Most racially offensive movie I've ever seen, my god. I was going to text K when I saw the back cover because the synopsis included the fact that the main issue was that some Indian guys were part of this bloodthirsty cult that worshipped the Hindu goddess Kali (who had some intense fascination with killing people), and he was the one who taught me about Kali in the first place, but I'm glad I didn't because I would be embarrassed if he ever looked up the movie. It was that disgusting.
     The entire movie basically consisted of Cary and some other British guys with those nasty late-nineteenth-century mustaches, constantly beating up like ten riled-up "Indians" at a time, never mind the fact that the latter were wielding guns and riding temperamental elephants. It was so stupid and clearly the Indian guys were going to lose, but I got so sick of Cary strangling and roundhouse-kicking five men per second that I wished he would just fall in a hole or blow up or get trampled or something.
     The Brits did this while simultaneously throwing around sticks of dynamite and riding horses and coming up with witty comments as bony little guys in turbans and beards ran around with bayonets—all right, the other two guys were stiffs. The witty commentary was just Cary. That guy is just too perfect for words. He's definitely in the top five on my Attractive White Guys list.
      I digress. I cynically type "Indians" because none of those sonuvabitches were even Indian, and that is just wrong. For god's sake, the title character, Gunga Din, was played by an elderly Jew! They must have blackfaced themselves or something. It was gross. When I wasn't trying to gore my eyes out using my barrettes (the only relatively sharp things I ever have on hand) because of how terrible the movie was, I kept thinking, "Jesu', and to think I watched Gandhi last night. Puts this goddamn production to shame. Dressing fat, middle-aged white men in turbans and loincloths does not make an instant India. To shame, I tell you.

Hey shona.

     Yesterday was such a great day. Today was actually almost as good. The rude awakening is that I always have the best day of a vacation right before I have to go back to school. The same applies to camp, or a school year, or anything else. I wish I could find some kind of balance. But no, and I'm sure there's a term for this—the grass is always greener?—but I can never be happy with what I have. When I have free time, I'm bored and wish I were at school. When I have a structured schedule, I get tired and stressed and wish I had some free time. It's a pretty vicious cycle. I wish I could cut it out. But I can't.
      See, this is why I could never be a Buddhist. I get too stressed out about things. And I over-think everything. In the words of Mr. Monk, "it's a gift... and a curse."
      Some gift.
     Anyway, today was Easter and all, and my hair was very curly and I was happy, even though I didn't get to ride my bike at all. We went to the grandparents' house and had a pleasantly action-packed egg hunt, pleasant because none of the cousins had tantrums. It was great.
     About half of the time I hung out with the adults and gossiped about my grandpa's brother's family and listened to plenty of venting about the NYC fifth-graders-have-to-goddamned-APPLY-to-MIDDLE-school experience that the twins are going to be going through in a year or so.
     About a third of the time I hung out with the kids and sang Panjabi MC at them and practiced my Hindi and annoyed the hell out of them until they chased me down and tickled me and threw, or attempted to throw, those plastic red and yellow balls you find in those IKEA ball pits.
     The rest of the time (see how I so craftily hide the fact that I can't do math) I just lay on the short brick wall of the driveway, barefoot, listening to Enya or Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head or my new Hindi podcast.
     Pretty sure the neighbors thought I was completely bizarre. I kept having these conversations with myself, just over and over again, "Hello, what is your name—hello, my name is Megha, and what is your name—my name is Asha—Asha, your name is nice—thank you!" But in Hindi.
     I just love all the words for 'thank you' in other languages. Especially Asian languages. And I can't get enough of comparing words in languages that are really similar. Example: I know probably two words in Arabic, one of them being 'thank you'—'shokran.' In Hindi, 'thank you' is 'shukriya.' I love being a word detective!
     God, I am such a geek. A word geek and an Indian geek. Well, hey, at least I find simple excitement in my life. And if when I go to India, at least I won't sound like a complete gringo.

19 April 2014

San Francisco to Champaran

Another location change.

San Francisco, CA, USA.
Champaran, Bihar, India. This place was predominantly the setting of Gandhi. I researched the hell out of this place.

Movies I've watched over break.


-Gandhi—I watched it tonight; blew me away. One of my favorite movies in a while, and I've seen plenty of good ones. Long live Gandhiji, all I'm saying.
-Steel Magnolias—watched it a few nights ago. I cried a few times. And the way Sally Field has those outbursts where she goes from sad, to mad, to scared, to sad, to cracking up... She's probably my favorite female actor.
-Funny Face—watched it tonight as well. Not impressed with Audrey Hepburn's acting or dancing, ever. Not impressed with the movie as a whole, but that dancing scene in the bar was priceless.
-Some Like it Hot—I forget when I watched this, but it was great. Joe E. Brown or whatever his name was, with the mouth? So good. Nobody's perfect.
-On the Waterfront—only caught the last third of it, but it was so powerful really. Marlon Brando, the original 3D actor, in On the Waterfront, the original mafia movie. 
-Suspicion—a Hitchcock, with Cary Grant. Other than that, unmemorable. Plus it was a young Cary Grant. Ew. He's too blocky when he's young. Cary's like cheese, improving with age.
-Breakfast at Tiffany's—was so unimpressed with everything about this movie except Audrey's outfits that I more or less called it quits about a third of the way through. Maybe next time.
-Ta ra rum pum—Hindi movie; don't remember when I watched it. Good though. The guy was pretty attractive also. ^_^
-Sukitte Iinayo, aka Say "I love you"—okay, not a movie, an anime. But I watched all thirteen goddamned episodes yesterday when I was sick. It was so cute, and it made me want to live in Tokyo all over again, or at least a small city.
      That's all I can remember. I'm positive I've watched more. Sorry to the ones I've forgotten.

17 April 2014

My love list.

I've finally gotten happy with break, and it feels pretty good. To maintain my inner happiness or what have you, I'm gonna make a list of things that I love right now.

I love avocado.
I love composition notebooks.
I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I love Ravi Teja.
I love gel pens.
I love writing letters.
I love The Clash.
I love yogic flying.
I love Mary Janes (the shoe, not the nasty old-people candy).
I love Malcolm Gladwell.
I love newly painted toenails.
I love doing stretches.
I love Raj (my chick).
I love cup ramen.
I love Punjabi parents.
I love acting.
I love screenplays.
I love Buddha by Deepak Chopra.
I love Tollywood.
I love TM.
I love New York City.
I love goblin sharks.
I love the young Josh Hutcherson.
I love curling up in the sun.
I love wispy hair.
I love thin ankles.
I love the sound of water.
I love being elusive.
I love lying down and thinking.
I love reminiscing.
I love talking to old friends.
I love coconut water (but only that certain kind).
I love pickles.
I love grape juice.
I love Passover.
I love playing piano.
I love The Cranberries.
I love Gervita yogurt in France.

07 April 2014

I'M .25% INDIAN! JOIE!

     Me, myself and I had a nice little understanding this past weekend since he was away. The three of us decided to stop texting so much, and ALSO TO STOP PLAYING THAT DAMN DOGE 2048. Even though it is such wow. Anyways, we're going to make a conscious effort to stop lazing around and gain back our pre-Fieldstone motivation. Er, pre-8th grade... What I mean to say is... Pre-him. Sigh. Yeah. Him. That's not to say that it's his fault I'm like this, but... It's my fault for starting all this. Oh well. It's my fault for provoking this in the first place, and I guess it's now up to me to get us both out of what we started. It's a time and energy suck for me, but it's good for him... That's why it's hard. I've tried to come up with happy mediums, but I never live up to what I say I'm going to do about it. Well, maybe this'll be it.
     Since we're not going anywhere for break, I figured I should have a list of things to do while I'm home. As follows.

MY PLANS FOR SPRING BREAK:
-clean out closet
-go spring shopping; i.e., go to Uniqlo and call it a day
-hang up prayer flags
-hang up Shakespeare and Co. poster
-finish Buddha picture and hang it up
-download Third Eye Blind, Cranberries, Cars, etc. CDs
-watch Om Shanti Om, Balupu, etc.
-email Shama... God, I am really going to miss that kid. She's so great... I miss her already. It was so great being her tutor. I'm definitely going to keep in touch with her when she's in Andhra Pradesh or whichever state it is that she's from.
-don't play sudoku, or 2048, or doge 2048 ^_(\
-read Ishmael
-run a lot
-stretch a lot
-jump rope and use sidewalk chalk and do dips and planks
-play Bridge Over Troubled Water and Moondance better
-learn chess again... I really want to do that.
-work on that book folder thing
-cook; i.e., fry ramen and vegetables and call it a day
-hike—go to Campmor or something for boots for camp
     I love how I just realized that I didn't tell any of my friends about the whole camp ordeal except Krupal. Wow, me.

06 March 2014

Hai.

     I felt so unbelievably happy today. I hope I haven't maxed out on happiness, now that I've had today. I feel like I'm Stargirl, and ah she's a good memory to bring back. Stargirl and her wagon full of pebbles. I think if I had a happiness wagon, I'd have all pebbles in except one, maybe two. That's how blissfully happy I am.
     My interviews: done. My school week: practically done. No stress. Nada. I'm so chill. I'm at peace, in the moment. I'm going to ask if we can go hiking on Sunday again, and I can run down the trail with my hair blowing behind me and tears of peace just leaking out of my eyes. Tears of peace? My my. Yar, but my she was yar! And that's both a Philadelphia Story and Dharma Bums reference. Two things I like. Cary Grant, Jack Kerouac. James Stewart, Sean Monahan. Japhy Ryder. The ex-Marine from Paterson, New Jersey, a Jew. The original dharma bum Ray met on the Midnight Ghost. The Zipper.
     We're learning about Japan and samurai in world history. I keep thinking of Japhy, funny thing. Good old Zen Buddhism. And I also think about L and how she's doing, and then I think of that idiot at Blue Tree this past summer who decided to give herself "anime eyes." I remember she wore the same shirt every day, and she wasn't even residential. And that one hat. It was pretty odd. I didn't like her much. I don't much like anime elitists.
     I'm dead tired, honestly. My book smells good. ^_^ I think I'll crash about now. Tomorrow or in the near future I think I'll post a list, either of books, songs, or none of the above.

21 November 2013

Je Dois Faire, 21.11.13

-learn Arabic via Johns Hopkins! But first...
-take SAT
-get a new typewriter
-get a Raspberry Pi (Hanukkah... Maman, I love youuu...)
-not fall asleep while emailing my "second-best friend" for ONCE
-make the Asians cut it out with their talk of "taking out the trash" -_-
-write a bit this weekend
-run before 5k on Thanksgiving
-watch Slumdog Millionaire, Wadjda, etc.
-watch Gidget for no intellectual or cultural benefit at all whatsoever
-finish City of Bones and What is the What
-fix soles of flatforms
-bring up my teetering grade in science
-sweep over BCA application for last time
-don't tease E ^_^
-learn Snow on guitar
-learn You Never Give Me Your Money on piano
-go to Girl Scouts meeting
-forget about G, even though V TALKED TO HIM ABOUT ME YESTERDAY AAAAAH YESSSSSSS!
-go to India already
-at the very least, get K to teach me the basics of Gujarati