I'm obsessed with Instagram all of a sudden. It started w that Bollywood fan account 하리가 and I made, bollychudiyan, which I hardly ever used and whenever I got too into it I would delete it. But it would always find its way back onto my phone. And then I started following EXO members and unfollowing all the stupid Sonam Kapoor (ugh, no talent) fan accounts, and then I changed the password so 하리가 couldn't like her own fotos w it, jajaja. And then I started following other people that I actually knew, some from camp and some from school but upperclassmen and some from BRS, and then it just got depressing. Honestly I think my body image is going downhill just because of that. Even Sal's stupid farm pics with his long hippie hair depress me, jajaja. But I just can't get enough of refreshing my feed and letting my fomo (fobf?? fear of being fat? no that looks too much like "fob" which is too funny to be taken seriously).
Every time I've taken a picture this summer I get so upset. Like I really cannot handle it. And then to see it on Instagram or fb sucks. And to see it on my phone sucks too, like even pictures with Myrsinaki made me sad to look at, which made me sad bc I loved that moment until the picture was taken. But at the same time I feel like I really have an eye for good photo ops!! Me and every other white girl on the planet but still. Every time I'm in Newark or the city I just see so many fotos ready to be taken but if I look like how I look like then I don't want to take it or put it up on fb.
I feel weirdly like I don't know how to talk to/hang out w boys anymore. I am so reluctant to set up the BRS reunion AND any CRS reunions where Red Hook is... I don't want the BRS boys to compare me to 엠아리, who's looking basically like a model these days, chiseled jawline and all, and I don't want to interact w the CRS boys simply bc they are sooo deadly!! But it's kind of weird that I haven't "found my people" boy-wise anywhere. They're definitely not at school, but not at camp either? Like, where ARE these guys??
My money anxiety is preventing me from going on the great shopping spree I know I need. Every time I walk into H&M I wanna buy the whole store out!! And Romwe, and any Stussy chapter, etc. etc. I am simply DYING to visit Stussy in Milano but I feel like it'll be a shady outlet or sth only for boys. Plus it's weird to shop for this stuff w my parents. But we'll only be there for a little while so it's not like I'm gonna go off on my own to shop in men's stores. Plus it's SOOO expensive! And I won't even see 피얌마 at all!! ㅠㅠ
The biases: 엑소 타오, 킴남준, Bender from The Breakfast Club, Ross from Friends, 자크 from camp jajaja
I figure I'll raid Rookie's monthly images for some good backgrounds. And GOD am I into photography at this pt. I don't even want an iPhone as my new phone anymore bc i feel like the fotos will suck and I want a Samsung instead bc it's also more internationally savvy (all my CRS amigas have them and I'm obsessed). But tbh nothing will be worse than my junky 4S camera. And yes I want a camera but again w the money!!! I really have begun to freak out like a crazy person about money these days. I hate going for groceries just bc I hate seeing the receipt even if the cashier informs me that "you saved $xx today!!" Then I go nuts and tell my mom and she's like, "hey, we're a family of five" and I'm just like, How will I survive?? Bc i really do have kind of expensive tastes. I don't realize it, but I totally do. I'm always dying to eat out, and I love healthy food which is pricier, and I love eating a lot of food which just makes it priciest. Ay caramba!! Plus I feel like living in a city by myself won't be all it's cracked up to be (and I will have a roommate, or I'll have nightmares that the third Insidious will happen to me). And like, that it won't feel "real."
Yeah, so I'm obsessed w this "real" idea. Ever since summer started, I've been reading like a maniac. I read and I run and I procrastinate and I eat and I polyvore; that is my summer. But y'know, we're talking trips to the library every three, four days. Which is awesome!! I haven't read this much since I was a youngun in middle school. But it's like... Ever since I read Joy Luck I've just gone on to read these sorta depressing adult books encompassing the lives of complex people puzzling through their complex issues. And they have not-nice endings, like French movies. And I think it's turning me bad!! I really do, like I feel kind of empty after I read them and now it feels like nothing is how it's said in books, like relationships and stuff. And I get that I'm just a kid and I shouldn't expect to face these kinds of things, but just read Joy Luck or The Buddha in the Attic and there is absolutely no way people actually think like this. It's too much.
We dropped off Myrsinaki earlier tonight at EWR (and god, I love airports), and as we were driving home I was talking to my mom about this "real" theory. But I just don't know how to explain it. I find I'm really bad at talking... And it's pretty frustrating bc I'm a good speaker when I'm rehearsed. But it's simply not meant to be. I'm cut out for writing books or sth. I wish I could just come out w the female version of No Coins Pls and strike it rich, as was the plan in February, but I'm not really writing these days. Sometimes I journal but that's pretty rare. Like right now, it's 12:40 am and I know I should have been asleep 2.5 hrs ago bc Myrsini and I woke up at like 10 this morning (meaning Sunday) and I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (meaning Monday) to run, and then I also have to make my lunch bc I was too busy watching, for the first time, The Breakfast Club, which 엄마 recommended for me and which I loved but it was also kind of depressing but in a good way plus Bender was sooooo hot... Buuut I'm not gonna sleep until I've gotten out all my thoughts bc this does NOT happen often when my thoughts come out in a stream of consciousness thing where it's actually natural and real and genuine and all that good stuff, and hey I am totally on a roll here!! I know I'm a writer but at this pt in my life I'm not feeling it. But it's really very ok bc I know I'll be back to write that kid's book. It's in my blood!
Books I've read/am reading: One L (it's SO great!! I was discussing it w "the parentals" as 산드라 would say and we all agreed that the pressure Scott Turow was facing at Harvard Law in the 70s is not so far off from the pressure Jews and Asians are facing rn at any given tri-state area high school, jajaja (laughing in a sad and ironic way), which is probably why I'm so invested in it, bc i can actually relate to the chaos and lunacy his mind has become), The Tin Horse (basically Anita Diamant's The Boston Girl but with deeper emotions), Inside the O'briens (by the author of Still Alice which I am so reading on the Europe trip bc I was obsessed w Inside the O'briens!!), and other books I unfortunately totally don't remember at all, lol. I tried reading some of Amy Tan's other books but they're really just mleh. Joy Luck and even The Bonesetter's Daughter were right on the money but everything else was too much. I also got her memoir out of the library but omggg. I'm sorry to say that it just feels like she's trying too hard. Plus, she is SUCH a type, and she talks about these outlandish things that she did when she was young, like moving with her first-generation Chinese mother to SWITZERLAND (?!?!??!?!) in such a way that I have to go back and figure out if she's actually serious, or if she's just being comparative or sth. But come on. It's awful.
Food I am dying for: the spicy tuna rice at Totto (waaaaaahh), raw cookie dough, the pork bun at Totto, Empanada Mama, the maggi noodles at 하리가 house, Korean bbq
In addition to photography I'm obsessed w soundscapes!! I've taken a bunch since June when I was w A. in DC's Chinatown listening to some brass band on the street, and on the train coming back home, and in Chelsea, and even in Times Square where I was hiding my phone every time one of the CRS girls spoke so I wouldn't record them, jajaja. But the wind always gets in the way!! I messaged the Suvi who did the soundscape instruction for tips, bc Myrsinaki told me she always did that whenever she wanted to take up some skill (like 존 for meditation... ugh, John jajaj). She said she was flattered and she would get back to me but she has NOT. I am v underwhelmed by this, and honestly this is so typical CRS. Myrsini and I were just talking about it on the way to the airport. Basically most of the campers totally have this reputation for having awesome ideas and then not acting upon them. Like during holiday break (when Myrsini was w our Turkish amigo and so we were messaging nonstop about the drama jajaj), a few of them were planning a massive trans-continental trip for this month and basically asked everyone "which would be a more convenient option, meeting up in Paris and then island-hopping in Greece, or taking Europe by train and then setting up shop in Thailand?" Which sounds like a dream, but really? We certainly were not all loaded at camp, but what kind of an idea is that, let's get real, jajaja. But that's one example out of tons. The reunions, for example, they always fall through. I was lucky enough to see Nush and Myrsinaki twice, Shaf and Shags a bunch of times and some of the city girls a few times too, but I know a lot of people had their plans just not work out. Whatever, though. If they don't want to meet, it's no problem. I totally have skype anxiety so i really can't talk in this department.
But seriously, the Red Hook guys are SUCH a crackup. 안다루 with his 타이새야-style posts and his selfies (jajajajaja, the SELFIES!), 타리스탄 with his awkward Italy videos, all the Stuy guys on the CRS group chat (ugh, the Stuy guys. 아누사 was 100% right when she was complaining about how deadly they were on College Day, but I was totally smitten w 라이안 and 리타므 and didn't realize the true social ineptness until post-camp)... I wish I made friends w the European boys. They were more normal, lol.
I really should make this blog private w all the names I'm shouting out all the time, jajaja. But I have this far-fetched idea that I'll someday become some household-name blog like the ones on Rookie simply by "being myself!" (Suuuuure.) So of course it MUST be public!!
OK, I think I'm winding down. Gotta get myself up bright and early for my run anyway, and ughhh I feel the sleep tugging at my eyes already... I'm going to hate myself tomorrow morning... My time management SUCKS, and I'm more than a week behind on French, and oh great my mom is coming jajajaj she just slaughtered me but I'm going to bed now for real. And also, I am SO pumped for Europe!! I'll take tons of pics w my awful 4S camera and tons of metro soundscapes, and I'll buy a bag and a bucket hat and a hacky sack and Italian and Spanish and Portuguese fashion mags, and I'll run in all the countries and feel a huge sense of accomplishment from doing that a few months later when I'm back in the clutches of my high school. Ugh. School.
Jaja. Ok. Καληνυχτα!!
EDIT: I changed all the names to hangul so it's censored!!
Every time I've taken a picture this summer I get so upset. Like I really cannot handle it. And then to see it on Instagram or fb sucks. And to see it on my phone sucks too, like even pictures with Myrsinaki made me sad to look at, which made me sad bc I loved that moment until the picture was taken. But at the same time I feel like I really have an eye for good photo ops!! Me and every other white girl on the planet but still. Every time I'm in Newark or the city I just see so many fotos ready to be taken but if I look like how I look like then I don't want to take it or put it up on fb.
I feel weirdly like I don't know how to talk to/hang out w boys anymore. I am so reluctant to set up the BRS reunion AND any CRS reunions where Red Hook is... I don't want the BRS boys to compare me to 엠아리, who's looking basically like a model these days, chiseled jawline and all, and I don't want to interact w the CRS boys simply bc they are sooo deadly!! But it's kind of weird that I haven't "found my people" boy-wise anywhere. They're definitely not at school, but not at camp either? Like, where ARE these guys??
My money anxiety is preventing me from going on the great shopping spree I know I need. Every time I walk into H&M I wanna buy the whole store out!! And Romwe, and any Stussy chapter, etc. etc. I am simply DYING to visit Stussy in Milano but I feel like it'll be a shady outlet or sth only for boys. Plus it's weird to shop for this stuff w my parents. But we'll only be there for a little while so it's not like I'm gonna go off on my own to shop in men's stores. Plus it's SOOO expensive! And I won't even see 피얌마 at all!! ㅠㅠ
The biases: 엑소 타오, 킴남준, Bender from The Breakfast Club, Ross from Friends, 자크 from camp jajaja
I figure I'll raid Rookie's monthly images for some good backgrounds. And GOD am I into photography at this pt. I don't even want an iPhone as my new phone anymore bc i feel like the fotos will suck and I want a Samsung instead bc it's also more internationally savvy (all my CRS amigas have them and I'm obsessed). But tbh nothing will be worse than my junky 4S camera. And yes I want a camera but again w the money!!! I really have begun to freak out like a crazy person about money these days. I hate going for groceries just bc I hate seeing the receipt even if the cashier informs me that "you saved $xx today!!" Then I go nuts and tell my mom and she's like, "hey, we're a family of five" and I'm just like, How will I survive?? Bc i really do have kind of expensive tastes. I don't realize it, but I totally do. I'm always dying to eat out, and I love healthy food which is pricier, and I love eating a lot of food which just makes it priciest. Ay caramba!! Plus I feel like living in a city by myself won't be all it's cracked up to be (and I will have a roommate, or I'll have nightmares that the third Insidious will happen to me). And like, that it won't feel "real."
Yeah, so I'm obsessed w this "real" idea. Ever since summer started, I've been reading like a maniac. I read and I run and I procrastinate and I eat and I polyvore; that is my summer. But y'know, we're talking trips to the library every three, four days. Which is awesome!! I haven't read this much since I was a youngun in middle school. But it's like... Ever since I read Joy Luck I've just gone on to read these sorta depressing adult books encompassing the lives of complex people puzzling through their complex issues. And they have not-nice endings, like French movies. And I think it's turning me bad!! I really do, like I feel kind of empty after I read them and now it feels like nothing is how it's said in books, like relationships and stuff. And I get that I'm just a kid and I shouldn't expect to face these kinds of things, but just read Joy Luck or The Buddha in the Attic and there is absolutely no way people actually think like this. It's too much.
We dropped off Myrsinaki earlier tonight at EWR (and god, I love airports), and as we were driving home I was talking to my mom about this "real" theory. But I just don't know how to explain it. I find I'm really bad at talking... And it's pretty frustrating bc I'm a good speaker when I'm rehearsed. But it's simply not meant to be. I'm cut out for writing books or sth. I wish I could just come out w the female version of No Coins Pls and strike it rich, as was the plan in February, but I'm not really writing these days. Sometimes I journal but that's pretty rare. Like right now, it's 12:40 am and I know I should have been asleep 2.5 hrs ago bc Myrsini and I woke up at like 10 this morning (meaning Sunday) and I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (meaning Monday) to run, and then I also have to make my lunch bc I was too busy watching, for the first time, The Breakfast Club, which 엄마 recommended for me and which I loved but it was also kind of depressing but in a good way plus Bender was sooooo hot... Buuut I'm not gonna sleep until I've gotten out all my thoughts bc this does NOT happen often when my thoughts come out in a stream of consciousness thing where it's actually natural and real and genuine and all that good stuff, and hey I am totally on a roll here!! I know I'm a writer but at this pt in my life I'm not feeling it. But it's really very ok bc I know I'll be back to write that kid's book. It's in my blood!
Books I've read/am reading: One L (it's SO great!! I was discussing it w "the parentals" as 산드라 would say and we all agreed that the pressure Scott Turow was facing at Harvard Law in the 70s is not so far off from the pressure Jews and Asians are facing rn at any given tri-state area high school, jajaja (laughing in a sad and ironic way), which is probably why I'm so invested in it, bc i can actually relate to the chaos and lunacy his mind has become), The Tin Horse (basically Anita Diamant's The Boston Girl but with deeper emotions), Inside the O'briens (by the author of Still Alice which I am so reading on the Europe trip bc I was obsessed w Inside the O'briens!!), and other books I unfortunately totally don't remember at all, lol. I tried reading some of Amy Tan's other books but they're really just mleh. Joy Luck and even The Bonesetter's Daughter were right on the money but everything else was too much. I also got her memoir out of the library but omggg. I'm sorry to say that it just feels like she's trying too hard. Plus, she is SUCH a type, and she talks about these outlandish things that she did when she was young, like moving with her first-generation Chinese mother to SWITZERLAND (?!?!??!?!) in such a way that I have to go back and figure out if she's actually serious, or if she's just being comparative or sth. But come on. It's awful.
Food I am dying for: the spicy tuna rice at Totto (waaaaaahh), raw cookie dough, the pork bun at Totto, Empanada Mama, the maggi noodles at 하리가 house, Korean bbq
In addition to photography I'm obsessed w soundscapes!! I've taken a bunch since June when I was w A. in DC's Chinatown listening to some brass band on the street, and on the train coming back home, and in Chelsea, and even in Times Square where I was hiding my phone every time one of the CRS girls spoke so I wouldn't record them, jajaja. But the wind always gets in the way!! I messaged the Suvi who did the soundscape instruction for tips, bc Myrsinaki told me she always did that whenever she wanted to take up some skill (like 존 for meditation... ugh, John jajaj). She said she was flattered and she would get back to me but she has NOT. I am v underwhelmed by this, and honestly this is so typical CRS. Myrsini and I were just talking about it on the way to the airport. Basically most of the campers totally have this reputation for having awesome ideas and then not acting upon them. Like during holiday break (when Myrsini was w our Turkish amigo and so we were messaging nonstop about the drama jajaj), a few of them were planning a massive trans-continental trip for this month and basically asked everyone "which would be a more convenient option, meeting up in Paris and then island-hopping in Greece, or taking Europe by train and then setting up shop in Thailand?" Which sounds like a dream, but really? We certainly were not all loaded at camp, but what kind of an idea is that, let's get real, jajaja. But that's one example out of tons. The reunions, for example, they always fall through. I was lucky enough to see Nush and Myrsinaki twice, Shaf and Shags a bunch of times and some of the city girls a few times too, but I know a lot of people had their plans just not work out. Whatever, though. If they don't want to meet, it's no problem. I totally have skype anxiety so i really can't talk in this department.
But seriously, the Red Hook guys are SUCH a crackup. 안다루 with his 타이새야-style posts and his selfies (jajajajaja, the SELFIES!), 타리스탄 with his awkward Italy videos, all the Stuy guys on the CRS group chat (ugh, the Stuy guys. 아누사 was 100% right when she was complaining about how deadly they were on College Day, but I was totally smitten w 라이안 and 리타므 and didn't realize the true social ineptness until post-camp)... I wish I made friends w the European boys. They were more normal, lol.
I really should make this blog private w all the names I'm shouting out all the time, jajaja. But I have this far-fetched idea that I'll someday become some household-name blog like the ones on Rookie simply by "being myself!" (Suuuuure.) So of course it MUST be public!!
OK, I think I'm winding down. Gotta get myself up bright and early for my run anyway, and ughhh I feel the sleep tugging at my eyes already... I'm going to hate myself tomorrow morning... My time management SUCKS, and I'm more than a week behind on French, and oh great my mom is coming jajajaj she just slaughtered me but I'm going to bed now for real. And also, I am SO pumped for Europe!! I'll take tons of pics w my awful 4S camera and tons of metro soundscapes, and I'll buy a bag and a bucket hat and a hacky sack and Italian and Spanish and Portuguese fashion mags, and I'll run in all the countries and feel a huge sense of accomplishment from doing that a few months later when I'm back in the clutches of my high school. Ugh. School.
Jaja. Ok. Καληνυχτα!!
EDIT: I changed all the names to hangul so it's censored!!
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